PDA PSA

Ambient exhibitionism and why we need it

I have a simple, but perhaps radical, request for all couples this week:

Go sit on a bench with your partner and kiss in public.

We don’t need visible tongues or anything. Do it modestly, but mean it.

This is a Public Display of Affection Public Service Announcement — a PDA PSA — and I’m serious.

Your makeouts are a matter of public health.

When I see two people smooching, my body responds. I get a tingle of warmth. Not in a creepy way, in a proud way. I’m happy to see love around, and to know it exists. That the world, despite itself, still has tenderness.

It’s not just sentimental old me. It’s biology!

Couple kissing on a bench by English School (20th century)

Emotions are contagious. Witnessing another person’s joy activates the same neural pathways as if you were feeling it yourself. Professor Zita Oravecz’s research found that expressing love makes you feel love. Seeing love does, too. Even reading about love can trigger that effect. (Shout out to you, Happy Endings subscribers 😘.)

Touch is the universal expression of love. Kissing, hugging, stroking, and all other affectionate touches lower stress, strengthen bonds, improve mood, and even buffer physical pain. And those benefits can extend to the observer as well.

Witnessing a loving act produces similar hormonal responses. A hit of oxytocin. A serotonin lift. A softening in the body. We literally catch each other’s emotions.

You could call it herd intimacy: the social ripple effect of affection.

But there’s a catch. Oravecz also found that you only feel love when witnessing love if you’re emotionally congruent – meaning you’re open to love yourself. The less love you feel in your own life, the worse you feel in the face of it.

Love that’s hidden behind closed doors creates a deficit.

And right now, love is privatized. It’s hidden behind age gates and hetero-monogamous privacy norms, relegated to the dark side of DMs and whatever your neighbors can peep through your windows. All while the news and content systems bombard us with aggression, cruelty, and cynicism.

Where’s our intimacy infrastructure?

We build parks for physical health. Libraries for intellectual wellbeing. I argue that we need public affection for emotional health. So why not build it ourselves? If you want to help your community – hell, your country – go make out with your lover on a street corner.

PDA is a visual vaccine. Last I checked, war and loneliness kill like germs.

With our collective connections, we could build back what Oravecz calls “love inertia” – the more aware we are of love, the more we feel it. Love compounds. Love spreads. One couple on a park bench spreads some tingles to a passerby, who smiles at another, who smiles to themselves and texts their grandma that they’re thinking of her.

We can make affection ripple through real space, not just screens.

This is your PDA PSA.

Kiss your partner in public this week. Nuzzle their shoulder while you wait to pay for your expensive eggs. Show off what’s possible within all of us.

Make someone feel warm. Remind them that despite everything, love exists.

It’s your civic duty!

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