The Best Happy Endings of 2025

Ranking my Substack children from 13 to 1

I always wondered if parents lied when they said they didn’t have a favorite.

I still think it’s too early for me to decisively claim whether or not that is true, for me, with my real children. Nor if I ever would. But for the weekly outputs of this publication, I do indeed have my picks of the litter.

Of course, as I remind my boys, it’s not a competition. But when I consider that one year ago there were ONLY 106 OF YOU here, and thus, 95.5% of you will have missed a portion of my prides and joys, I couldn’t miss a chance to share the love 😉.

This here is my 52nd post of 2025. It’s, frankly, bonkers to me.

13. The Ones Most Helpful To Myself

Ok, it’s a tie. “When You Touch Yourself, Do You Touch Yourself?” continues to inspire my own masturbation, and “Dirty Laundry” keeps me grounded when I start to feel like some annoyance in my marriage is more than the mole hill it is.

12. The One 85k People Have Viewed

The title and concept came to mind one March afternoon this year. I burst through our open door and said, “I’m a Feminist Cocksucker,” to my husband, Joe. He laughed and said “Cocksucking Feminist,” has a better ring. Ever since, “I’m a Cocksucking Feminist” continues to tickle the Substack algorithm.

11. The One That Still Makes Me Cry

I shared this vignette, “Home is Where Your Family Is,” a year ago, but it still sparks tears. It’s about visiting my family of origin and leaving behind my eldest and my husband for the first (and only) time.

10. The Weird One

I knew “Life is But a Dream” was bizarre, but I didn’t care. I loved it anyway. It is very Happy Endings. It’s about a strange dream and the dreamlike morning that followed.

9. The One I Wish Someone Gave Me 5 Years Ago

I wish I was given “I had sex days after childbirth” before I had my first kid. It’s five pieces of advice for expectant couples who value their sex life.

8. The One That Fizzled Here, but Exploded on Instagram

I shared a reel on Instagram of myself walking and reciting my essay, “The Death of Dance,” from memory. As of now, it has 1.5 million impressions. It ought to! Dance makes everything better. We’re in an elective Footloose and we know what that does to love.

7. The One I Didn’t Expect to Be a Hit

I genuinely prepared to watch the unsubscribes come in when I published “MY #1 SEX TIP.” Yet it’s the second most subscriber-converting piece I’ve shared. I’m proud of it because it’s unabashedly me, and somehow still resonates with you. Isn’t that what art is supposed to show us?!

6. The One That’s Begging Me For a Follow-Up

“The Problem with Fluffers” and my introduction to the concept of The Erotic’s Way - an Artist’s Way for the erotically blocked - which I’d love to develop in 2026.

5. The Canonical Chat

“The Mother Whore Complex is Hot, Actually” is the first interview I shared with Joe. It was a blast to do, and I was so delighted that the conversation connected with so many of you. We’ve since done four more interviews. (They’re all linked at the bottom of this most recent one.)

4. The One I Obsessed Over

I care so deeply about making the connection between stress and sex a mainstream conversation. I put the world of my expectation into this little Substack post, “Stressed the Fuck Out!” It means I dearly love it, but I imagine if the piece were personified, it’d feel bullied by me.

3. The One That Feels Like Happy Ending’s Reason for Existence

The title is the provocation: “Married couples have more sex, so why does our culture think the opposite?” It’s the Happy Endings Paradox that I’m determined to challenge.

2. The One That’s ‘So Us’

The piece “Time to Come” most represents Joe and my marital dynamic. It’s the storyalized embodiment of our foreplay style. I get butterflies reading it back because I love us.

1.5 The One That Still Arouses Me

I had to add the half point in in honor of the sexier sibling of #2, “Universal You.” It’s our bickering. Our better-halfing. Our sexual dynamic. It’s hot.

1. The One I Wish Was Your First Impression of Me

It’s “Hot Potatoes” — a story about feet, baked potatoes, and growing together. I’m proud of this one. I know that’s embarrassing to say, but it’s true.

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With an honorable mention to The One That Got The Most Discussion — this month’s own “The Hardest Year of My Marriage.” Given the topic, it was hard to rank as a favorite, but I am proud of it. I’m so glad it resonated with so many. In my quest to truthfully display the full intimate world of my marriage — the hot and the heavy — this piece felt very necessary.

Thank you for being here with me this year. This love exhibition would’ve been quite lonely without you all. I hope my musings on life’s best gift have brightened your year in some small way.

Sending some of my heart to you as we each reminisce on this past year, and wish for a year with just a bit more love.

Tell me… Did I miss any of your favorites? How do you feel about favoritism? Are you reflecting on 2025 this week, too?