OMG, I LOVE TO DANCE! My husband and I have been really seeking out dance opportunities on date nights lately, and I have to say, it is real good for our marriage. We used to dance all the time before kids at honky tonks in Austin, Texas, and swing or funk bars in NYC, so reconnecting with the "old" us has been therapeutic. We usually play music at dinner, and then, if our children are feeling up to it, we crank up the tunes before bedtime and have a good ol' booty shakin'. I wish there were more dance halls or local opportunities to dance communally, but, as you noted here, most of those events/places/classes have died. Fingers crossed for a resurgence!
Love it! I remember dancing with my own kiddos, their socked feet on mine. What an important observation about dancing versus antidepressants! Thanks Abigail! Judi
May you especially be thanked for reviewing the great importance of dance in the world in an article that I have saved to also pass along to my family members. My mother became an Arthur Murray dance instructor in the 1930s onward. When my brother and I were growing up in Chicago, my father had a checkerboard black and white tiled floor built for us, a place where she taught us all forms of dance, including the latest, the Chubby Checker Twist. I'm giving away my age, but its worth it to pass along my reverence for dance as I've enjoyed it with many romantic partners. BTW: I'm writing a novel that includes a married couple's bedroom scene. One of the recent articles you wrote had a scene that fit right in with their interactions. I will credit you for it. A teaser of the first few chapters of the book, with references, can be read at www.lightningonthemoon.com. Thanks once again Rob Wold
Aww Robert I’m so glad you’ve had dance so integrated into your life, and love, too. I am so grateful for my dancey background, and it sounds like you are too. It’s also so sweet to know that my intimate writing has been useful for you, too. I’m so curious to read/see!!
I alwats loved to dance and for a long time only danced at parties, then I found ecstatic dance which is "Dance as if nobody's watching".
It's great to do it at home or with friends, we dance on the beach every week! And in a relatively small kind of yoga room... In some cities they have several different.
The groups and music differ around the country/world. Some DJs are very much into electronic but in my community we like funk, world music and some RnB
I started playing the trombone in our school band when I was in the 5th grade, and I will say I was average--not great, not terrible, but OK. But when I got to high school and was in MARCHING band for the first time, I had a real problem. Because I have no natural sense of rhythm and no coordination. It might sound funny, considering that I had been playing an instrument already for 4 years at that point, but I really do not have any natural rhythm, and that became apparent very quickly when it was clear that I couldn't move my feet in step with everyone else while moving my right arm back and forth at the same time. Thus has it been my whole life. It was a real problem for me to learn to tie my shoes, ride a bike, etc (probably the reason trombone was a good choice for an instrument for me to learn--no delicate finger movements, ever). And these deficiencies, alas, have meant that I have never been able to dance. Just can't do it, and that has really sucked. Because dancing is an important...mating ritual. James Joyce said that dancing is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire, and who am I to argue with James Joyce? So I'm happy for the rest of you. And envious.
Oh my gosh, I beg you to dance today! I give you permission to close the curtains if it helps you feel safe 😘 but please put on a marching band song and let your body move however it moves! You don't have to dance well to dance ❤️
Truly, in so much love, and having experienced so many similar MAJOR "lack of rhythm" feelings, would challenge you on this, my friend. I can so some things superbly, musically, others not @ all. I now believe; we can and will be bad dancers, at first - it's a skill, as any other skill takes practice & time. ❤️ Perhaps you've not found the music that your body *really* wants to jive to yet? Heaven knows there's such variety & so many are just not easy to dance to, as a beginner, in my experience.
Sorry to comment a THIRD time but truly I think this is like, my favorite thing I've read all year. Gushing about it to all my friends. So many little things have been culminating in my life in the last year about the importance of celebration, self-expression, joy, whimsy, play: DANCE being a running theme - then your reel about this piece pops up on my Instagram.
Serendipity. The whipped cream AND the cherry on top.
I'm going to dance the hell out of my 30s. Thank you so much for writing this. If I ever have children it will be our family constitution lol.
Omg Autumn, you’ve made my day. Your comments are MORE THAN welcome here. I’m so so so so glad this theme has followed you around and can’t wait to hear what comes of the serendipity ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Also GEEZ the stats on Arthur Murray schools left. 💔! I have one up the road & have been planning to take dance lessons with my husband soon. Here we come, Arthur. 🫶😘🥲
Dancing has always felt like pure magic: totally electric. I've only ever really done it maybe 5x so far (I grew up in circles not too different from the church people in Footloose. 🙃) but was completely in love, totally addicted each time. Just reading about dancing even: lights me up! What a POWERFUL, beautiful force it is. I never considered the mental health beenfits; what a whole other avenue of "HELL YES."
Dance dance!! Alone, at home, a little sway, today! I didn’t mean to start rhyming haha. Thanks so much for reading and commenting - I’m so glad it struck a chord!
As an Autistic, music has always been vital and integral to my mental health. Dancing (with other people) on the other hand is an activity that I simply cannot engage in. I've tried, but being around people dancing confuses me (I have no idea why people would embarrass themselves like that). And participating fills me with anxiety to the point of triggering my fight-or-flight response. Back when I used to go to clubs with friends to drink (I do none of those activities now), I would always decline to join others on the dance floor, and usually had to divert my eyes and watch something else. I "dance" when I create music (I am a multi-instrumentalist), but I now realize that is just another form of masking: it is what I have learned that a musician is supposed to do while performing/on-stage. Dancing for some of us INCREASES our anxiety and depression, including me. #ASD #nothingsperfect
Edit: Just saw someone mention that the platitude, "Dance like no one is watching" helped them express themselves in public. Maybe that's why I get uncomfortable *watching* people dance and have to look at something else? I'll have to give that some thought.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience! As with all studies, 'average' isn't everyone! I love that music speaks to you so. It does to me as well.
The ‘nobody’s watching’ phrase has been a medicine to me in times of anxiety. Even when I started this Substack, it reminded me to be myself without fear of judgment. And that if I dance or write or do anything in consideration of others, I won't be being myself, and that is a disservice to myself. It’s trite, but I've felt if I dance compromising myself to impress or please another, it infects my ability to love... myself or another.
The phrase "[X] like no one is watching" is only valid when one is alone--when truly no one is watching. Once the public becomes involved, the phrase does a great disservice to oneself, because of course others can and will watch. I guess I equate it with having sex in public: others can and will be offended by seeing the lovers' bodies/genitals grinding together. I happen to care whether I offend others unreasonably when I am in public. So I do *nothing* like no one is watching when I am in public.
Dancing is the best way to get out of your head. I feel when I'm alone with just my thoughts I'm in a bad neighborhood. Dancing is freedom.
Fuck yes I couldn't have said it better 👏
OMG, I LOVE TO DANCE! My husband and I have been really seeking out dance opportunities on date nights lately, and I have to say, it is real good for our marriage. We used to dance all the time before kids at honky tonks in Austin, Texas, and swing or funk bars in NYC, so reconnecting with the "old" us has been therapeutic. We usually play music at dinner, and then, if our children are feeling up to it, we crank up the tunes before bedtime and have a good ol' booty shakin'. I wish there were more dance halls or local opportunities to dance communally, but, as you noted here, most of those events/places/classes have died. Fingers crossed for a resurgence!
I feel like we have the same routine 🤪🥰❤️ I love that you and your husband are getting out for a dance again together! Hot and fun and enlivening 🥰🥹
I LOVE YOU
🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲
Love it! I remember dancing with my own kiddos, their socked feet on mine. What an important observation about dancing versus antidepressants! Thanks Abigail! Judi
A gift you’ve given your kids, I believe!! Thanks for reading, Judi :) :)
It’s a beautiful life Abigail….
May you especially be thanked for reviewing the great importance of dance in the world in an article that I have saved to also pass along to my family members. My mother became an Arthur Murray dance instructor in the 1930s onward. When my brother and I were growing up in Chicago, my father had a checkerboard black and white tiled floor built for us, a place where she taught us all forms of dance, including the latest, the Chubby Checker Twist. I'm giving away my age, but its worth it to pass along my reverence for dance as I've enjoyed it with many romantic partners. BTW: I'm writing a novel that includes a married couple's bedroom scene. One of the recent articles you wrote had a scene that fit right in with their interactions. I will credit you for it. A teaser of the first few chapters of the book, with references, can be read at www.lightningonthemoon.com. Thanks once again Rob Wold
Aww Robert I’m so glad you’ve had dance so integrated into your life, and love, too. I am so grateful for my dancey background, and it sounds like you are too. It’s also so sweet to know that my intimate writing has been useful for you, too. I’m so curious to read/see!!
I alwats loved to dance and for a long time only danced at parties, then I found ecstatic dance which is "Dance as if nobody's watching".
It's great to do it at home or with friends, we dance on the beach every week! And in a relatively small kind of yoga room... In some cities they have several different.
The groups and music differ around the country/world. Some DJs are very much into electronic but in my community we like funk, world music and some RnB
You can find one near you here: Ecstaticdance.org
Awww yes, I love this! Thank you for sharing this resource!! And thank you for reading :)
Thank you so much for sharing about this resource! Hadn't heard of it.
I started playing the trombone in our school band when I was in the 5th grade, and I will say I was average--not great, not terrible, but OK. But when I got to high school and was in MARCHING band for the first time, I had a real problem. Because I have no natural sense of rhythm and no coordination. It might sound funny, considering that I had been playing an instrument already for 4 years at that point, but I really do not have any natural rhythm, and that became apparent very quickly when it was clear that I couldn't move my feet in step with everyone else while moving my right arm back and forth at the same time. Thus has it been my whole life. It was a real problem for me to learn to tie my shoes, ride a bike, etc (probably the reason trombone was a good choice for an instrument for me to learn--no delicate finger movements, ever). And these deficiencies, alas, have meant that I have never been able to dance. Just can't do it, and that has really sucked. Because dancing is an important...mating ritual. James Joyce said that dancing is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire, and who am I to argue with James Joyce? So I'm happy for the rest of you. And envious.
Oh my gosh, I beg you to dance today! I give you permission to close the curtains if it helps you feel safe 😘 but please put on a marching band song and let your body move however it moves! You don't have to dance well to dance ❤️
Truly, in so much love, and having experienced so many similar MAJOR "lack of rhythm" feelings, would challenge you on this, my friend. I can so some things superbly, musically, others not @ all. I now believe; we can and will be bad dancers, at first - it's a skill, as any other skill takes practice & time. ❤️ Perhaps you've not found the music that your body *really* wants to jive to yet? Heaven knows there's such variety & so many are just not easy to dance to, as a beginner, in my experience.
I love music, it takes my mind to wonderful places; unfortunately it has to drag my feet along behind it
Sorry to comment a THIRD time but truly I think this is like, my favorite thing I've read all year. Gushing about it to all my friends. So many little things have been culminating in my life in the last year about the importance of celebration, self-expression, joy, whimsy, play: DANCE being a running theme - then your reel about this piece pops up on my Instagram.
Serendipity. The whipped cream AND the cherry on top.
I'm going to dance the hell out of my 30s. Thank you so much for writing this. If I ever have children it will be our family constitution lol.
Omg Autumn, you’ve made my day. Your comments are MORE THAN welcome here. I’m so so so so glad this theme has followed you around and can’t wait to hear what comes of the serendipity ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Also GEEZ the stats on Arthur Murray schools left. 💔! I have one up the road & have been planning to take dance lessons with my husband soon. Here we come, Arthur. 🫶😘🥲
Omg tell me how it goes!
Dancing has always felt like pure magic: totally electric. I've only ever really done it maybe 5x so far (I grew up in circles not too different from the church people in Footloose. 🙃) but was completely in love, totally addicted each time. Just reading about dancing even: lights me up! What a POWERFUL, beautiful force it is. I never considered the mental health beenfits; what a whole other avenue of "HELL YES."
Dance dance!! Alone, at home, a little sway, today! I didn’t mean to start rhyming haha. Thanks so much for reading and commenting - I’m so glad it struck a chord!
As an Autistic, music has always been vital and integral to my mental health. Dancing (with other people) on the other hand is an activity that I simply cannot engage in. I've tried, but being around people dancing confuses me (I have no idea why people would embarrass themselves like that). And participating fills me with anxiety to the point of triggering my fight-or-flight response. Back when I used to go to clubs with friends to drink (I do none of those activities now), I would always decline to join others on the dance floor, and usually had to divert my eyes and watch something else. I "dance" when I create music (I am a multi-instrumentalist), but I now realize that is just another form of masking: it is what I have learned that a musician is supposed to do while performing/on-stage. Dancing for some of us INCREASES our anxiety and depression, including me. #ASD #nothingsperfect
Edit: Just saw someone mention that the platitude, "Dance like no one is watching" helped them express themselves in public. Maybe that's why I get uncomfortable *watching* people dance and have to look at something else? I'll have to give that some thought.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience! As with all studies, 'average' isn't everyone! I love that music speaks to you so. It does to me as well.
The ‘nobody’s watching’ phrase has been a medicine to me in times of anxiety. Even when I started this Substack, it reminded me to be myself without fear of judgment. And that if I dance or write or do anything in consideration of others, I won't be being myself, and that is a disservice to myself. It’s trite, but I've felt if I dance compromising myself to impress or please another, it infects my ability to love... myself or another.
I'd love to know what you think about the phrase!
The phrase "[X] like no one is watching" is only valid when one is alone--when truly no one is watching. Once the public becomes involved, the phrase does a great disservice to oneself, because of course others can and will watch. I guess I equate it with having sex in public: others can and will be offended by seeing the lovers' bodies/genitals grinding together. I happen to care whether I offend others unreasonably when I am in public. So I do *nothing* like no one is watching when I am in public.
What a great insight into people with social anxiety you have given me. Thank you.
I can get behind this. I’ll vote for you.
I'll start the Dance Party ✅