Dating (after you've become single after a very long time especially) has become so difficult. People just don't seem to want to be vulnerable, want to put themselves out there. It just feels like a product of not just the pandemic but also living in a digital age. People seem to have stopped being able to properly communicate, let alone communicate with rawness and real honesty. People seem to be obsessed with what look like happy relationships in the media and social media all around them but you never know what's going on in other people's lives. Relationships are fraught if you can't or won't communicate your needs and desires.
This is 100% a thing. Even I had to re-learn a lot of these skills after lockdown-era isolation, and I consider myself a natural, and a fan of interpersonal connection… It’s a major shame! I hope that by sharing this sort of stuff, we can help pull people back to noticing the beauty and the wonder of connecting in spite of, and because of, our differences. Thanks for reading and sharing this!!
The dance continues, you sound like you’re very aware of the importance of holding your own identity whilst also celebrating Joe’s — I lost sight/ we did after 25 years 4 children (this is the area of sacrifice that will always harbour guilt/resentment - if you can outsource help when things get bogged down, in lieu of grandparents?- a friend network you can really lean on as the kid’s schedules pop off) work-life, aging, sick parents, it did get to a crisis point for us were there was some excavation that had to be done, we transcended this quagmire, a small blip in a long term relationship and now we are both growing individually and celebrate differences - for myself simply put- a naming my desires (all of them) and that being met with safety and curiosity— difference is the charge, the polarity, and other times it’s the sameness, similar in values, outcomes, goals….the dance continues.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ beautiful. The dance continues. Yes yes. The awareness doesn't always translate to perfectly smooth expression, of course. How could it? I hope we'll have the same fortitude as you ❤️❤️🔥 So much gratitude to you for sharing this.
I think you (via Joe) said it well when you said that it’s complicated, but I’ll add the word “beautifully” to that phrase.
Ultimately, depending on what is wanted, it’s a balance that requires both a deep dive when you feel yourself wanting something more, or less, or different than someone else, and what they want for themselves.
But, when given a choice, even if that means starting over, I’d go through the asking and answering and compromising and deciding what and when is enough than to choose never to do any of that at all, either because I was too afraid to ask or because I made a choice never to have a partner to begin with.
Ultimately, no matter what choice you make, whether that’s in partnership or alone, anything that you ask for, want for, desire for, or that you enter into, will include risk, including the risk of loss. However, I’ve found that what you gain by asking or seeking and then discussing is worth far more than denying yourself the opportunity, because change, in all of us, is inevitable.
Yes yes yes, Ernie. You have to open the box! Even the scary boxes. The ignoring, the assuming, the avoiding are all worse than the addressing. And every box has a gift, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first glance.
unending noticing 🫶🏻
❤️ glad that hit for you
Dating (after you've become single after a very long time especially) has become so difficult. People just don't seem to want to be vulnerable, want to put themselves out there. It just feels like a product of not just the pandemic but also living in a digital age. People seem to have stopped being able to properly communicate, let alone communicate with rawness and real honesty. People seem to be obsessed with what look like happy relationships in the media and social media all around them but you never know what's going on in other people's lives. Relationships are fraught if you can't or won't communicate your needs and desires.
This is 100% a thing. Even I had to re-learn a lot of these skills after lockdown-era isolation, and I consider myself a natural, and a fan of interpersonal connection… It’s a major shame! I hope that by sharing this sort of stuff, we can help pull people back to noticing the beauty and the wonder of connecting in spite of, and because of, our differences. Thanks for reading and sharing this!!
I love this positive reframe of seeing wanting different things as connective tissue, not rupture.
You are the best and always have such a fresh take! Thank you for sharing.
🥹❤️ thank you for seeing this that way! You turned my ramblings into such generous clarity.
Haha, anytime. Ramble away!
The dance continues, you sound like you’re very aware of the importance of holding your own identity whilst also celebrating Joe’s — I lost sight/ we did after 25 years 4 children (this is the area of sacrifice that will always harbour guilt/resentment - if you can outsource help when things get bogged down, in lieu of grandparents?- a friend network you can really lean on as the kid’s schedules pop off) work-life, aging, sick parents, it did get to a crisis point for us were there was some excavation that had to be done, we transcended this quagmire, a small blip in a long term relationship and now we are both growing individually and celebrate differences - for myself simply put- a naming my desires (all of them) and that being met with safety and curiosity— difference is the charge, the polarity, and other times it’s the sameness, similar in values, outcomes, goals….the dance continues.
Great writing as always.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ beautiful. The dance continues. Yes yes. The awareness doesn't always translate to perfectly smooth expression, of course. How could it? I hope we'll have the same fortitude as you ❤️❤️🔥 So much gratitude to you for sharing this.
I think you (via Joe) said it well when you said that it’s complicated, but I’ll add the word “beautifully” to that phrase.
Ultimately, depending on what is wanted, it’s a balance that requires both a deep dive when you feel yourself wanting something more, or less, or different than someone else, and what they want for themselves.
But, when given a choice, even if that means starting over, I’d go through the asking and answering and compromising and deciding what and when is enough than to choose never to do any of that at all, either because I was too afraid to ask or because I made a choice never to have a partner to begin with.
Ultimately, no matter what choice you make, whether that’s in partnership or alone, anything that you ask for, want for, desire for, or that you enter into, will include risk, including the risk of loss. However, I’ve found that what you gain by asking or seeking and then discussing is worth far more than denying yourself the opportunity, because change, in all of us, is inevitable.
Yes yes yes, Ernie. You have to open the box! Even the scary boxes. The ignoring, the assuming, the avoiding are all worse than the addressing. And every box has a gift, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first glance.
❤️❤️❤️