I think you (via Joe) said it well when you said that it’s complicated, but I’ll add the word “beautifully” to that phrase.
Ultimately, depending on what is wanted, it’s a balance that requires both a deep dive when you feel yourself wanting something more, or less, or different than someone else, and what they want for themselves.
But, when given a choice, even if that means starting over, I’d go through the asking and answering and compromising and deciding what and when is enough than to choose never to do any of that at all, either because I was too afraid to ask or because I made a choice never to have a partner to begin with.
Ultimately, no matter what choice you make, whether that’s in partnership or alone, anything that you ask for, want for, desire for, or that you enter into, will include risk, including the risk of loss. However, I’ve found that what you gain by asking or seeking and then discussing is worth far more than denying yourself the opportunity, because change, in all of us, is inevitable.
Yes yes yes, Ernie. You have to open the box! Even the scary boxes. The ignoring, the assuming, the avoiding are all worse than the addressing. And every box has a gift, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first glance.
The dance continues, you sound like you’re very aware of the importance of holding your own identity whilst also celebrating Joe’s — I lost sight/ we did after 25 years 4 children (this is the area of sacrifice that will always harbour guilt/resentment - if you can outsource help when things get bogged down, in lieu of grandparents?- a friend network you can really lean on as the kid’s schedules pop off) work-life, aging, sick parents, it did get to a crisis point for us were there was some excavation that had to be done, we transcended this quagmire, a small blip in a long term relationship and now we are both growing individually and celebrate differences - for myself simply put- a naming my desires (all of them) and that being met with safety and curiosity— difference is the charge, the polarity, and other times it’s the sameness, similar in values, outcomes, goals….the dance continues.
I think you (via Joe) said it well when you said that it’s complicated, but I’ll add the word “beautifully” to that phrase.
Ultimately, depending on what is wanted, it’s a balance that requires both a deep dive when you feel yourself wanting something more, or less, or different than someone else, and what they want for themselves.
But, when given a choice, even if that means starting over, I’d go through the asking and answering and compromising and deciding what and when is enough than to choose never to do any of that at all, either because I was too afraid to ask or because I made a choice never to have a partner to begin with.
Ultimately, no matter what choice you make, whether that’s in partnership or alone, anything that you ask for, want for, desire for, or that you enter into, will include risk, including the risk of loss. However, I’ve found that what you gain by asking or seeking and then discussing is worth far more than denying yourself the opportunity, because change, in all of us, is inevitable.
Yes yes yes, Ernie. You have to open the box! Even the scary boxes. The ignoring, the assuming, the avoiding are all worse than the addressing. And every box has a gift, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first glance.
❤️❤️❤️
unending noticing 🫶🏻
I love this positive reframe of seeing wanting different things as connective tissue, not rupture.
You are the best and always have such a fresh take! Thank you for sharing.
The dance continues, you sound like you’re very aware of the importance of holding your own identity whilst also celebrating Joe’s — I lost sight/ we did after 25 years 4 children (this is the area of sacrifice that will always harbour guilt/resentment - if you can outsource help when things get bogged down, in lieu of grandparents?- a friend network you can really lean on as the kid’s schedules pop off) work-life, aging, sick parents, it did get to a crisis point for us were there was some excavation that had to be done, we transcended this quagmire, a small blip in a long term relationship and now we are both growing individually and celebrate differences - for myself simply put- a naming my desires (all of them) and that being met with safety and curiosity— difference is the charge, the polarity, and other times it’s the sameness, similar in values, outcomes, goals….the dance continues.
Great writing as always.