A 7-Step Guide to Coming Again
how to help the Lost Body Woman you love
When is the last time the woman dearest to you came? Little stifled sneeze orgasms don’t count.
Even though sex is of great significance to me (I’ve built my career around it), I still have months where I come, then think, fuck it’s been too long.
On Monday, I published a piece about this phenomenon — women who are so preoccupied with their family, their career, their worries or ambitions that they start to think sexual pleasure simply isn’t for them, or at least, forget to prioritize it. I called this woman the Lost Body Woman.
Today, I am sharing seven steps to guide the Lost Body Woman back to herself.
It’s not easy to get un-lost. Staying lost — stuck outside of your own body — is favored by physics. Worse yet, we craft identities around being lost; I’m just not interested, we say when our partners ask if we’d like to come. When fear-based fixations or run of the mill life-crises distract us from our bodily sensations, coming back to ourselves in order to come is easier said than done. You might wonder why bother? The why is, well, a philosophical question about the purpose of life that I’ll write about another day.
But if you love someone — be it yourself or your wife — you’d hate to see whole segments-of-seasons evaporate without them taking time to feel blissed.
I want you to feel blissed. Everyone ought to — even, or especially, when shit’s all over the fan.
For the people who know somewhere deep down, that they want to reconnect with themselves, I’ve written a guide that works for me. I’m a type A mom with Midwestern work ethic, sense of externalized responsibility, and semi-toxic Millennial ambition — aka the perfect convergence for the sort of bodily disconnection that makes a happily married person see themselves in Miranda July’s divorce novel1.
If you are, or love, a Lost Body Woman, (help her) follow these steps to come again:
