Don’t forget to milk your husband
two sexy nights, one DIY house project
Welcome back to Happy Endings, where I (a sextech marketer, former relationship anarchist, monogamous married mother of two) wax about contemporary love and provide an honest, relationship peep show. This post is my once-monthly extra-intimate story from my marriage. Paid subscribers enjoy these, plus Praxxxis (dropping every other Thursday). I hope you enjoy this one... Sending love to you (literally) xx
Joe was slumped in a lawn chair. His eyes were fixed on nothing. His hand was in a C-shape, lightly grasping the cold Miller High Life I’d gotten him from our brother-in-law’s birthday party cooler.
“Baby,” I said, leaning toward him from my woven-nylon camp chair, squeaking the aluminum hinges.
He looked at me, face too tired to express.
“I will rub your shoulders tonight, and then I will milk you.”
“Milk me?!” he said much too loudly. I didn’t mean for the whole party to know. His face finally showed a reaction — surprise.
He’d worked hard that day, doing what every DIY home renovator we know proclaims as the worst of the worst — peeling popcorn off a ceiling. When I asked how he felt on the drive to my sisters, he said, “I’m utterly shattered.” Then he pointed from the base of his skull to his shoulder blade and said, “This kills.”
I’d gotten the long end of the stick. The project was my wish, but his plan. He told me, “Just keep the kids out of the house.” We’d been so far out of the house that we wound up playing basketball outside of a brewery with my dad and his sisters. It was not tiring. It was rejuvenating.
That night, at home, a half dozen High Life’s in Joe, and our kids in bed, I said, “Are you ready to be milked?”
“I guess,” he said, with a laugh. He looked timid and curious.
I started by rubbing jojoba oil in the same places he’d pointed to earlier. The base of his skull, his neck, the tops and blades of his shoulders. He moaned, and I kissed his forehead.
Then I laid a towel down for his oily body, and guided him to recline.
His penis was already hard, but I wanted it exceptionally so. So I brought my lips around his tip, looped my tongue around him, and sucked. Then, with three tablespoons of Good Clean lube in my hand, I gave him a two-handed hand-job.
“Is this the milking?” he said.
