Lately #1

what I’ve been reading, working/reflecting on, orgasming from, buying, listening to, and more:

For the first time in Happy Endings history, may I present… a diaristic life update, in bullet form.

I’ve been coming lately:

• From an engraved 24kt gold vibrator while imagining where I wanted my husband to lick me

• From a new, travel-friendly cerulean wand while watching two women grind on each other on my phone

• From my husband’s tongue, lips, and fingers on a navy leather daybed

• And his cock, in missionary

I’ve been swimming lately:

• Paddling pools without room to paddle

• Pools so full of chlorine that my swimsuit faded faster than my skin burned

• Shallow lakes’ surface algae stuck between my bikini bottoms and butt cheeks, kicking quickly past the seaweed

• Deep lake, cold, no seaweed in reach

I’ve been sucking dick lately:

• While wearing jean shorts, my backside to a mirror

• Covered in mosquito bites, behind a cabin, under the stars

• With my hands tied with silk-cotton blend rope

• On video, looking into my own eyes more than his

I’ve been crying lately:

• Gratitude — friends, help, thoughtfulness

• Love — sweet words, warm cuddles, comfort, safety

• Stress — packing, planning, timing

• Bliss — lake breezes, kid laughter, a glass of wine

• Overwhelm — hormones, hangovers, misunderstandings

• Exhaustion, relief — a long drive is over, we’re all home safe

• Guilt, disappointment — my kid’s beloved stuffed pigeon, left behind

I’ve been working lately:

• Making Instagram reels about asshole licking, facial cumming, and the general appeal of real world sex videos

• Planning and analyzing, for MakeLoveNotPorn’s growth

• Editing my debut novel, and responding to an interested agent (singular (for now))

• Writing for you, and, well, me:

  • Forthcoming Essays: one about attraction and ugliness, one about when individuals in a couple “just want different things,” and one about the cultural dominance of MILFs. And perhaps I’ll just fuck around and post a yet-unpublished piece I was paid to write: an essay about the psychosexuality of authoritarianism and, ultimately, whether bullying is sexy.

  • Recent Pieces: a plea to preoccupied women, and how I meditate when I want to re-prioritize my eroticism.

I’ve been seeing lately:

• Two dragonflies having sex

• Two wasps having sex

• Two flies having sex

• A red cardinal

• So many loons

I’ve been dancing lately:

• To La Vie en Rose by Grace Jones, or as my husband calls it, our family song

I’ve been buying lately:

• Ginger and turmeric shots

• Short-sleeve cotton-cashmere knit pullover

• Ice cream from MN Dairy Lab, Jeni’s, Sebastian Joe’s, Dream Creamery

• Red nail polish (for my toes)

• A second-hand dress from the Substack chat of Viv Chen’s The Molehill

• The privilege of supporting my friend’s anthology, which you too can support.

I’ve been reflecting lately:

• It’s been two years since I started this publication. I have published every Monday and some Thursdays for 25 months. It’s a lot of work. It’s been fulfilling. Also, a lot. I plan to keep at it, for you, and for me.

• Being a salary-working parent of two small babes, in a relationship, with artistic pursuits and ‘side hustles’ is not for the weak. And sometimes I do feel weak. But mostly, I don’t.

• Generational inheritance

• Is goal setting and the pursuit of vision even possible when living in the present? Is living in the present even possible for a person balancing so many people’s needs, wants, and safety?

• Why do I expect balance to be a fixed state?

• Is pitching worth it at all when I get a yes from a major publication, they pay me $500, but the piece is still unpublished, losing relevance with every month that’s passed (nearly six, now)?

• Have I reflected too much? Mightn’t it be better to simply let awareness simmer subconsciously, letting my gut land on the answer and guide me in each moment?

I’ve been reading lately:

• Milk Fed by melissa broder (if you haven’t, you have to read this book)

• An encyclopedia of butterflies

• An encyclopedia of birds

• So many Substacks — your notes, your posts, I prefer your presence in my inbox to most anything else

I’ve been wanting lately:

• Answers I can’t have

• Breaks I don’t give myself

• Less time on my phone

• Two weeks of clean air and sub-80 degree weather

• And to hear from you:

I’ve been listening to lately:

• Herb Alpert

• Funkadelic

• My eldest son’s latest favorite song, Toxic by Britney

Happy Endings is a ‘peep show’ — an intimate look into my relationship, which would otherwise be concealed behind the heteromonogamous privacy curtain.

I publish a free story from my marriage, or an essay on contemporary love, every Monday. Once per month, I paywall an extra-juicy one that I’d like to keep slightly more private. Every other Thursday, I share advice that I’ve found useful in my sex and romantic life, in my paid Praxxxis series.

I like to think all subscribers can count on a weekly reminder to prioritize love in their lives, but my paid subscribers get even more Happy Endings.