The Psyche is in Sex Position Preferences

What did it mean about my relationship if I preferred having more bodily contact with the furniture than my partner?

Welcome (back) to my relationship peep show. I'm Abigail, sextech leader, born-again monogamist, love lover, and mother of two. Thank you for being here.

I walked through the door, and he stretched out his arms for me. His hands, grabbing claws, not unlike our baby’s, reached up. If his arms weren’t thick, and hands weren’t calloused, it could’ve seemed infantile. But I found it sexy. I always loved being wanted. 

I inched close enough to let him pull me in. Which he did. My body fell forward, landing waist to face, in a pose I once named ‘The Mermaid.’ In another orientation, in another age, it was my favorite sex position.

Ages (and relationships) ago, when I discovered I had a favorite position, I feared it meant something. What did it mean about my relationship if I preferred facing away, and having more bodily contact with the furniture than my partner? 

At the time, I asked a friend if she had a favorite. Hers was the same. I felt less worried. Until I remembered how disastrous her relationship was. They broke up within the year. My ex and I did too. Naturally. 

It meant something. Back then I had a Pavlovian response to solitude. The moment the door shut, I pulled out my vibrator and a sex video clip of women scissoring. I had issues to work out for myself. Which I did.

Then, in the life period in which I recently wrote, when I enforced the oral surgery of conversations, my battle with control issues manifested during sex. That’s when The Mermaid was born.

The posture is referring to a mermaid lifting herself from the water. It’s not unlike Upward Facing Dog. Imagine her hands, not on the yoga mat, but pushing on the armrest of a sofa so that her back arches and her torso presses down. Her crotch presses against her partner's face, who lays beneath her. Like the yoga pose, the inner thighs stay pinned together. Oral sex performed with constraint, and a core workout.

Joe teased me. He said my psyche loved to make things difficult. As if I didn’t believe I was worthy of comfort or satisfaction without effort. I clearly still had to work on myself.  

Lately, my preferences are different. 

Clothed, and in The Mermaid for the first time in years, I said, “Are you trying to seduce me?”

“I don’t mind being the seducer.”

He rolled me onto my side, grabbed my face, and kissed me. It worked.

He complimented me, “You look sexy in lilac.” That worked too.

Now, my favorite position is none of the above. Currently, I prefer to have as much of the front of my body touching the front of his. I want to feel our stomachs and chests pressed together. Maximum skin-to-skin contact. I wrap my legs around him and absorb his warmth. And of course, eye contact.

My psyche wants to be wanted. My psyche wants maximum satisfaction for minimum output. 

Motherhood has inhabited my sexuality.

Soundtrack:

Tell me…

How has your state of mind impacted your position of sex?

Thank you for reading, love lovers!