You don’t.
You don’t feel sexy when there’s rape in the news.
When there is rape in the news, your heart will ache, and your body won’t want to open because assault is not sexy. We should always listen to our bodies.
So what do you do when there’s rape in the news?
You have conversations. You talk. And you listen.
Not just online. In person.
You talk about respect, compassion, and the physical, tangible, practicalities of being a good human being. Like noticing, listening, considering, reflecting.
You say, “What does it mean to be a good human being?” to your kids, or your sister’s kids, or your adult friends who have kids. You say, “Tell me more.” You keep talking. You listen.
You ask anyone who has kids, “Can you tell me about the last time you talked with your kid about what it means to be a good human being?” because you’re curious how other people handle these conversations. Not because you want to call them out, but maybe it’ll remind them to have these conversations, too.
You start a small-scale book club, or film club where you discuss the ethical circumstances of a fictional or nonfiction scene. You say, “Why do you think Sebastian the sheep sacrificed himself to save the Sheep Detectives?”
You don’t call it an ethics discussion group or a morality debate. Some people’s parents forgot to show the value of character, so these topics aren’t enticing right now. But you know we can change that. We can make treating people well far more aspirational than wherever someone went to school or who they know.
When there’s rape in the news, you remind yourself that we got here as a society because of what we’ve valued, what we prioritized, and what we did and didn’t discuss. We got here because someone’s parents forgot to teach character in the small ways and the big ways — like demonstrating how to interpret people’s body language, or mentioning how assault isn’t sexy; it’s a violation of our very humanity.
The problem might not be you. But if you’re a good human, you act like one: You listen to your body’s response and encourage others to listen to their bodies, and the bodies around them, too.
And you have conversations.
Donate to Take Back The Night to fund survivors’ legal fees.
Become a member of MakeLoveNotPorn Academy to bring sex education to all.
I’m Abigail. I’m a mom who works in sextech. I write about love and sex in culture and my marriage every week.
This post is in lieu of my bi-monthly Praxxxis series, a paid series where I put the love and sex philosophies of my publication, Happy Endings, into practical practices.
I hope you have some great chats with great humans today.
Thank you for reading.
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Yes to all this. Thank you for posting.