This is a blog about love and relationships because that is what I’ve dedicated my life to.1 But every essay and story I’ve shared during Happy Endings’ tenure includes a soundtrack. Because, for me, music is inextricable from every life experience I’ve had,2 especially love.
Music, and moving to music, is an expression of love, of course, but it’s more than that. Music taught me about love. I knew heartbreak before I felt it. I knew greater joy than a suburban Midwest kid with a dead mom ought to know, not just from lyrics, but from melody.
I used to wish I could create it, but the extent of my musical ability is playing Summertime on the harmonica. So, to explore my love of “love music,” and to (hopefully) delight you, dear readers, I’ve written this post: an analysis of the lessons the corny but lovable yacht rock classic “Escape — The Piña Colada Song” teaches us.3
The English-American author, playwright, composer, and singer-songwriter David Goldstein, known by the stage name Rupert Holmes, gifted us this one-hit-wonder in 1979. It couldn’t have been born in any other time, as I’ll explore in a forthcoming interview with my husband about masculinity, being a ‘good man,’ and Boomer wife-hating humor. But before we get deep, we’ll get superfiscial…
Here are the 9 lessons “Escape” infused in a young me, enjoying Kool 108, the Minneapolis Oldies station, to my dad’s dismay:
Women are often dissatisfied before their male partners
The song is about a male narrator’s extramarital fantasy. But the original person seeking the titular Escape turns out to be the narrator’s wife.
This is statistically true! Women initiate 2/3 of divorces. If you’re not feeling satisfied in your relationship, your partner likely already is, too — so don’t blame them. Perhaps address it together?
Know yourself well enough to write a personal ad
We’re all writing Tinder bios with boring-ass identity labels; meanwhile, Rupert gave us the blueprint for a truly evocative self-description in his lyrics.
Do you know yourself well enough to express in 150 characters what you’re really looking for in a lover, and a life lived with said lover? If you don’t, how do you expect to find them?
Figure out what you need. Then ask for it!
You’re probably taking your lover for granted
In life, as it is in long-term relationships, it is far too easy to sit and fester on your own dissatisfaction, as the narrator of “Escape” did, rather than to wonder how your partner might be feeling.
In fact, the inward fixation might be the exact reason you’re not feeling satisfied. When’s the last time you looked at your partner with fresh eyes? I call this my Stranger Spouse meditation. Stop the narratives you tell yourself about your lover for a moment. Notice “the curve of her face,” as Rupert sings, without attaching it to previous memories.
Getting tired of things that once excited you is normal
It’s not a crisis to feel tired of your routine, or your partner. It’s definitively normal. Humans crave new energy.
The question is — what are you going to do about it? Run away from everything you once loved, or find a way to spark excitement within?
“Falling into the same old dull routines” means you’re not communicating
It may be common to grow monotonous, but it doesn’t have to happen. To get ahead of this slump that the narrator of “Escape” found himself in, why not just proactively communicate with your partner?
Monotony and monogamy are a personal problem, not a relationship problem — are you making your life spicy for yourself or nah? Go dance in the fucking rain!
Role-Play is useful!
Last but certainly not least, Rupert likely didn’t experience this whole charade in his marriage. But he took the time to imagine it. To make art from it. I think that’s hot as fuck.
Imagine if you did that in your relationship. You sat and thought through a scenario where you two grew tired of eachother — what would happen? Now, imagine you enacted that with your lover. Isn’t that sexy?
This track is a product of its time, but I do find timelessness to its story. I love when music can remind me to savor life and the people I adore. What song does that for you?
I would never take you for granted 😘 Thank you for your readership and support (through likes, comments, shares, and, of course, your funds)! You’re keeping Happy Endings coming and coming…
Every Monday I share a post about contemporary love through the lens of my work in sex tech, and my born-again monogamous marriage (as a mother of two!). Once per month, this post is extra intimate, and I paywall it to add a bit of privacy for the innocent. (The last one was about rewarding my husband with “a milking” after he did some dirty house DIY projects.) Every other Thursday (or sometimes Friday, as happened last week) I share a post with sex and relationship advice. (The last one was on how to get hot when you’re not feeling hot.)
Even my astrological chart says my life is dedicated to relationships. It’s my Libra ascendant, I guess.
When I was a kid, I’d hear music in my head through even the most mundane moments. I called it ‘life music.’
Plus, I’ll soon be launching playlists as a paid-sub perk — a Fuck Me list, a Conjure Longing list, even a Make Up Sex list.
What an absolutely amusing way to provide such great advice. As always, absolutely brilliant!
🍹,🌧️,🚫🧘, 1️⃣/2️⃣🧠,❤️🕛,🏜️🏝️, ❤️👀4️⃣,🚪🏃
Everyone remembers Escape but Rupert Holmes made tons of rich, flavourful music - my favourite is actually answering machine! I especially related to the feeling of not having enough time to say what you really want to someone you like